The Fastest 18 Weeks of My Life

At the end of the school year in June, I remember thinking about how excited I was because I would get about 5 months off with summer and with the maternity leave since I had a baby coming in the summer.  Well now, that 5 months is about up.  I pretty much can't believe it!  It has been 17 weeks since Ryder was born on July 1.  I have 18 weeks total, and I am entering my 18th week.  Every time I think about this being my last week home I get a lump in my throat and fight back the tears!  Words cannot express how much I have absolutely LOVED being home with my son.
We have really gotten into a daily routine, so I hope me going back to work won't be as hard for Ryder as it will be for me.  I have all my day time television planned for every hour of the day!  It's not that I watch TV ALL day, but whenever Ryder is napping or having some down time, no matter what time of day, I know what is on.  I will miss watching Ellen every day for sure.  She is my favorite!  I will miss playing with Ryder and teaching him things throughout the day.  I will miss our morning nap together.  I am so worried that I will miss a big moment, and I hope he can save all his big milestones for when I am home!  I am going to have to start being strict with myself for a consistent early bed time.
I am anxious about going back to work.  My students have had 11 weeks together to get used to each other and to my long term sub.  Then halfway through the semester, I show up!  I am afraid they may not like me and want the sub back.  A lot of new rules were implemented this school year, and I hope I can be sure to follow them and always implement them. 
I am praying so much about the babysitting situation.  I am so thankful to have my mom watch him the week I go back and having Noni watch him through Christmas.  I am also thankful that when I go back to work, I'll be there for two weeks and have a week off for Thanksgiving.  Then I will go back for three weeks and have two weeks off for Christmas.  Hopefully that will help Ryder and I ease into this!  But after Christmas, I have to have someone new watch him.  I have spoken to several different people and am just praying that we make the right decision on who cares for the most precious and loved thing in my life.  Stay at home moms are SO lucky.  If we didn't have so many bills to pay, I wouldn't think twice about staying home with Ryder.  Hopefully one day this will be an option. 
But I am extremely lucky and blessed to have my job.  Having a speech position at a GREAT school coaching my two favorite sports is not easy to come by!  And I am so lucky to have had a job that allowed me to stay home for 18 weeks instead of the usual 12 that moms and dads get.  And I'm lucky to have a job that gives me great breaks for the holidays and summers off!  I am lucky to have a job where I have so many awesome friends that I love to death!  I know they will help me get through the day when all I can think about is my little boy.  These are the things I have to keep reminding myself as I get sad to go back. 
Sorry this post is all over the place!  That's how my mind is right now...lots to think about and be anxious about as I enter this last week.  Please say lots of prayers for Ryder and me!!